How to have mealtimes the whole family can enjoy

If you search online for images of a happy family, you’ll probably find pictures of families laughing, playing or gathered around the dining table enjoying what looks like a delicious and nutritious home-cooked meal.

Real life doesn’t always live up to the images though. The truth is that mealtimes can be some of the most stressful parts of family life – especially if you have a fussy eater.

Why are some kids fussy about food?

Developmentally, it’s quite normal for children to begin having clear likes and dislikes and deciding what they will or won’t eat.

Young children often begin to assert themselves with food. They might love fish on Tuesday and hate it by Thursday. They might love their toast if it’s cut into triangles but refuse to eat it if it’s cut into squares. And they might simply prefer running around playing to sitting still and eating!

Sensory issues with food

Neurodiverse kids may experience sensory issues with food, preferring certain textures or temperatures.

From the outside, it can be hard to understand why this matters so much – so try to remember the last time you got food poisoning. Maybe you were at a BBQ and ate a poorly cooked burger that disagreed with you. Next time you’re presented with a burger, you may struggle to eat it. Indeed, you may find you’re almost gagging.

That’s an approximation of how a neurodiverse child may feel regarding the sensory aspects of the food on their plate.

If your child has autism, you may find you’re facing far more mealtime stress than neurotypical families. Your child may refuse food, only eat a very limited selection of food or exhibit ritualistic behaviours like insisting that foods can’t touch each other on the plate. They may prefer foods with a certain texture like crunchy or soft ones. And they may also struggle to sit still and behave well at mealtimes.

Why are food fights so stressful?

It’s never fun to be at odds with your child. You may appreciate their desire to make their own decisions – and you may give them freedom to choose their clothes, for example.

But their food choices feel more significant. You’re trying to ensure your child receives the right nutrition and you’re concerned by their limited diet.

And mealtimes come around every few hours, meaning the stress keeps recurring. So, what can you do?

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Tips for making mealtimes easier

Firstly, let go of that idealised image of the family gathered around the dinner table. Your family doesn’t have to look like that.

While there is a statistical link between family meals and family health but scientists don’t yet know why. Is it because of the food eaten? Is it because of the time spent together? Is it something else?

As Australian researchers note,

When it comes to family meals, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. We need better promotion of realistic and achievable family meals, to reduce the pressure placed on already overburdened families.

Secondly, consider whether there’s an easier time for your family to gather. If you’re rushed during the week, maybe a family brunch on Saturdays is the best option for you.

Other tips include:

  • Keep your cool – try not to worry about the mess!
  • Set a good example – your child is more likely to eat their veggies if they see you eating yours
  • Make foods fun – try making shapes or faces with food so it looks appealing
  • Involve your child in preparing food – they may be more likely to eat it if they’ve played a part in creating it
  • Introduce new foods gradually and without a big fanfare – keep it low-key
  • Giving them a small serving – if they’re still hungry, they can have seconds
  • Praise them for trying
  • Work with your child – keep foods separate if that means your child will eat them. You can even buy plates with compartments to help your child keep the food separate.

Seeking help

If you’re concerned about your child’s fussy eating, then seek advice from your GP. Your doctor may check your child’s overall health and rule out any underlying medical issues that may be contributing to their picky eating.

Your child may also benefit from seeing a speech therapist, especially one who follows the SOS approach to feeding.

This program is designed to help children learn the skills they need to eat well. Those skills are quite extensive – quite a lot goes into eating! It takes physical coordination, control of mouth muscles and management of sensory issues, to name but a few.

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Disclaimer

All information is general and not intended as a substitute for professional advice.

References

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