Little minds, big worries: Identifying childhood anxiety

Do you remember how wonderful it was when your baby began to talk? It melted your heart to hear them say Mamma’ or ‘Dadda.’ And you could finally ask ‘What’s wrong?’ when they were upset and get a helpful answer. It took the guesswork out of things.

But only for a while.

Now, you feel in the dark all over again. Your child seems to have a collection of vague but persistent symptoms coupled with intense emotions and it’s having a definite impact on family life. What’s going on?

Introducing childhood anxiety

Your child’s brain and the body are intricately connected – and both are trying to help your child thrive, even if the messages are getting a little scrambled at the moment.

The fight-or-flight response to stress was originally a survival mechanism. A perceived threat set off a cascade of stress hormones to aid escape, increased heart rate, quickened breathing and tensed muscles.

Now, that may have been very handy back when we needed to escape a sabre-tooth. Nowadays, it can mean that we overreact to situations that aren’t really as threatening as we think they are.

Some degree of worry or concern can be a helpful motivator – when it prompts a student to study for exams, for example. But persistent worry is cause for concern.

What does childhood anxiety look like?

Children with anxiety have difficulties managing their fears or worries. Anxiety can make them feel apprehensive, powerless or like something bad is about to happen.

Childhood anxiety may express itself in many different ways, including:

  • Tummy aches
  • Headaches
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Loss of appetite
  • Muscle tension
  • Tears
  • Tantrums
  • Overthinking things
  • Avoiding situations that make them feel anxious – like dogs or school, for example.

Diagnosing anxiety can take time. Children are more likely to complain about physical symptoms like headaches or tummy aches as these are more familiar – they may not really understand what’s going on with their bigger feelings.

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What triggers childhood anxiety?

Some anxiety is a normal part of development. Young children may fear being alone, be scared of monsters under the bed or worry about getting hurt.

However, some children seem to be plagued by more intense worries than their friends or by fears that their friends have grown out of.

The most common types of anxiety in children include:

  • Separation anxiety – fear of being away from you
  • Social anxiety – fear of rejection or embarrassment in social situations
  • Generalised anxiety – vague, general, persistent feelings of worry
  • Phobias – a persistent, excessive and unrealistic fear of a thing, person or situation.

Sometimes, you know your child has been through something difficult, which may have triggered their anxiety – maybe there’s been a death, an interstate move or a family separation.

Sometimes, you can’t really find a reason for your child’s anxiety. And you don’t have to. Just accept that it’s real.

Depending on your child’s age, their anxiety may also be influenced by the pandemic. Many children have experienced lockdowns, disrupted schooling, family stress and fear of catching the virus. As a distinguished professor of psychology at Monash University observes,

‘The 700,000 Australian children who entered the education system for the first time in 2020 and 2021 never had a chance to learn the basic routines of school life, and now, at the age of eight, these children are struggling to adapt. It’s sometimes easy to forget that this “temporary disruption” represented a quarter of their lives.’

What can parents do to help an anxious child?

You may feel out of your depth but you’ve got this!

Since anxiety often runs in families, step one of helping your child may be to spend some time checking in with yourself. How are you feeling? What helps you to calm your nerves or relieve stress?

You can also deliberately model some of the thinking patterns or behaviours that could help your child. If your child is a perfectionist, for example (as many anxious children are), then find ways to model making mistakes, learning from them and moving on in a positive way.

Next, get help. A good GP can listen to your child, rule out any other possible explanations and conduct standardised tests to assess their anxiety levels. Your GP may also create a mental health care plan to help your child access Medicare-subsidised sessions with a psychologist (though waiting lists can be long).

If your child is in childcare, kindy or school, then talk to their teachers. When you work together, you may be able to find ways to ease your child’s anxiety at daycare or school.

Many children with anxiety will try to avoid situations that make them anxious. That’s completely understandable. But avoiding the problem can make it even harder to clear this hurdle next time. Missing school, for example, relieves that day’s fears but makes it much harder to walk into the classroom tomorrow.

And don’t forget the basics – healthy food, fresh air, exercise, a consistent bedtime routine and lots of family fun and affection.

You can also try:

  • Rejigging your child’s schedule – some kids are overscheduled and need more downtime (anxiety is tiring) while others may benefit from being off their screens and in the fresh air a little more often
  • Taking 10 minutes each day to do some deep breathing exercises together – breathing deeply and slowly helps to slow the heart rate down, which can make you and your child feel more relaxed. One fun way to do this is to lie on the floor and ask your child to imagine breathing in the scent from a beautiful flower – breathe in deeply for 3 seconds, hold it for 3 seconds, breathe out for 3 seconds and repeat.

Lastly, just listen. Try to be a calm, supportive presence and reassure them of your love and care for them.

Resources to help children with anxiety

Anxiety is increasingly common in children and there are now some very helpful resources you can use at home.

  • Hey Warrior! by Karen Young
    • This beautiful picture book explains why anxiety feels the way it does and where the physical symptoms come from.
  • The BRAVE Program (University of Queensland)
    • Interactive, online programs for children, teens and parents to prevent or manage anxiety.
  • Smiling Mind
    • A free app with numerous guided meditation sessions, deep breathing exercises and other resources for children of different ages.

We’d also encourage you to subscribe to the Think2Be Healthy newsletter and follow us on social media for more helpful tips on raising resilient children.

Disclaimer

All information is general and not intended as a substitute for professional advice.

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