Self-love: Positive affirmations for kids

The 5 Love Languages was a New York Times bestseller, eventually leading to a sequel The 5 Love Languages of Children. Its author, Gary Chapman, explored the idea that we all give and receive love in 5 key ways: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, gifts and words of affirmation.

Unfortunately, many of us are far better at offering words of affirmation to someone else than to ourselves. Often, we can be our own worst critics – and so can our children. So how can you help a child overcome negative self-talk and learn how to affirm themselves?

Negative self-talk

“You’re so stupid!”

“Nobody likes you anyway.”

“You always get it wrong.”

If you heard another child talking to yours this way, you’d intervene. You’d remind them of the importance of kind words, that we all make mistakes and that friends should encourage each other.

But what if your child is saying such things to themselves? It can be heartbreaking to realise that’s how they see themselves, especially when you know they have so many wonderful qualities.

While everyone says self-critical things from time to time, it is cause for concern if such negative self-talk is persistent and pervasive – and if it doesn’t reflect reality (e.g. a child with excellent grades considers themselves to be dumb).

Ongoing negative self-talk may happen if your child:

  • Has picked up this pattern of thinking from others around them
  • Tends to be a perfectionist who exhibits ‘all or nothing’ thinking – meaning that a small error (missing a netball shot) feels like the end of the world (“I’m the worst person who ever played this game!”)
  • Is still learning how to be resilient in managing disappointment (“I’m never doing this again!” versus “I wish I’d been successful but I can always try again next year)
  • Is trying to protect themselves by criticising themselves before someone else does
  • Is being bullied and has absorbed the mean things that the bullies have said about them.

What does self-love look like? 

Your child may also still be learning to value themselves. We spend a lot of time teaching children to share, take turns and be considerate of others.

Perhaps we also need to teach them that it’s OK to listen to their feelings and act on their needs. There’s a world of difference between selfishness and self-care.

Self-love means accepting yourself, being kind to yourself and nurturing your growth and well-being. In more practical terms, it may look like:

  • Positive self-talk
  • Accepting your imperfections
  • Allowing yourself to make mistakes
  • Forgiving yourself when things go wrong
  • Setting healthy boundaries
  • Asking for help
  • Pursuing interests and goals
  • Noticing progress and effort (rather than being solely focused on achievement).

Why does positive self-talk matter?

It’s much, much nicer to have an encouraging inner voice than a relentlessly critical one. And if you learn this early in life, you don’t have to listen to years and years of negative self-talk that can lower your self-esteem.

Positive thinking is thought to have a number of benefits, including:

  • Improved mental health
  • Improved immune function
  • Better cardiovascular health
  • Better coping skills during stressful times.

Every parent would want that for their kids. So, how can you encourage positive self-talk in your child?

Positive affirmations for kids

You can encourage your child to speak kindly to themselves by:

  • Noticing when they say something negative and asking them why they think that about themselves
  • Listening and not rushing to fix the problem – though if you suspect bullying, depression or anxiety, you may need to speak to your child’s teacher and doctor
  • Giving them phrases that recognise difficulties but reframe the situation
    • “This feels scary but I can do it.”
    • “I don’t like tests but I usually do OK.”
    • “Everyone messes up sometimes.”
    • “This is hard – but I can do hard things.”
    • “I am loved just the way I am.”
    • “I can do more than I think I can.”
    • “I’m a good friend.”
    • “I have options and can choose what’s best for me.”
    • “I’m a lot better at this than I used to be.”
  • Modelling it yourself – if you burn the potatoes, you haven’t “totally ruined dinner”. Instead, you could say, “What a shame! Perhaps I should set an alarm next time. Everything else looks good, though.”
  • Asking your child to replay the situation and then think of what their best friend or would say to them – often, your child will say something like, “She’d tell me I did my best” or “He’d say I can always try again next time.”
  • Encouraging them – “You handled that really well. I’m so proud of you.”

How can we help? 

At Think2Be Healthy, we know that the mind has a powerful influence on health and well-being. That’s why we want to equip families and children to develop a healthy mindset – including positive affirmations.

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Disclaimer

All information is general and not intended as a substitute for professional advice.

References

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